I Wanna Be Your Blog

Aw no, you guys, I forgot to include this point in...

Mon, 20 May 2013 08:52:31 -0700

Aw no, you guys, I forgot to include this point in my Gatsby review, plz forgive me.

Photo

Thu, 16 May 2013 14:40:20 -0700

“GATSBY” reads the typewritten cover page of Nick...

Thu, 16 May 2013 13:36:00 -0700

“GATSBY” reads the typewritten cover page of Nick Carraway’s account of the events of Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby 3D AND THEN SOME before he goes in with a pen to physically handwrite the words “The Great” above it. It’s the last scene in the movie, but it’s also, you know, every scene in the movie. Putting more stuff on top of stuff is the Baz Luhrmann way—he has never been a light touch, but I’m sure I don’t have to remind you who else wasn’t either.*

The Great Gatsby is a novel that a lot of people have proprietary feelings toward because it’s one of those books that makes teenagers feel as though at last they are reading (and understanding!) Literature**. F. Scott Fitzgerald is not a subtle writer, but he’s a deft one, and that’s mostly good enough, especially for a story that is so much a guilty pleasure morality play. I definitely identify with Fitzgerald’s ambivalence toward parties and expensive stuff. The marriage of hedonism and consumerism is shallow and hollow and evil, but it’s also obviously Really Cool.

Did that scene with the shirts remind anyone else of the Rick Ross profile in GQ a couple of years ago where he brings all the one dollar bills into the strip club and half-assedly makes it rain thousands of dollars because he literally has nothing better to do? Because these scenes of conspicuous consumption are so woven into THE FABRIC OF AMERICA that we are doomed to watch them repeat over and over. I’ve never seen such beautiful shirts either.***

Gatsby is an incredibly expensive and crass movie, even more so in 3D, which has the effect of making everything look, if possible, even more like Disneyland. The Gatsby Reveal is one of my favorite movie moments in recent memory, and it made me cackle out loud in the theater (as so many other things in this movie did). There’s something truly dazzling**** about the level of earnest showmanship in layering a garish pinky ring over a coupe of champagne over a DiCaprio smile over fireworks over an indoor swimming pool over Rhapsody in Blue.***** Shirts on shirts on shirts.

My greatest criticism of Gatsby is its lazy as hell****** framing device, but the words floating over Nick’s face as he writes are an effect that the one girl in my high school who had a half-decent grasp of editing software and ended up fixing everyone’s video presentations would have LOVED, so I can’t get too mad, you dig?

Luhrmann treats Jay Gatsby with the same uncritical affinity that Spielberg does with Jurassic Park’s John Hammond—leave it to a notoriously flashy director to pull punches when it comes to a fellow showman. I don’t think Gatsby is the movie Fitzgerald would have made, but I do think it is the movie Gatsby would have made, equal parts earnest and artificial.

*Fitzgerald. It’s Fitzgerald.

**Full disclosure: I have read The Great Gatsby like five times because I can never remember what happens in it. I can hang with the broad strokes and a couple of select details, but the plot? There is a Gatsby-shaped hole in my head that makes the novel singularly unmemorable for me.

***What was UP with the womenswear in this movie?? I was relieved at the absence of fringe but jeez louise, Catherine Martin, there must be a way to express Daisy’s flimsiness without all the handkerchief hems.

****Nicolas Cage’s description of Deborah Foreman in Valley Girl.

*****Spielberg’s GATSBY. Richard Dreyfuss as Nick Carraway saying he’s supposed to meet with Gatsby. Roy Scheider, happily surprised “Oh for goodness sakes, I’m Gatsby! I’m Gatsby!” Anyway, this is a thing I like to imagine in my head.

******Both on the part of Luhrmann, shamelessly self-cannibalizing Moulin Rouge, and on the part of Nick Carraway’s psychiatrist, who it seems is really lying down on the job.

I had my first Doritos Locos Taco. (vine by Geoff)

Sun, 12 May 2013 16:32:00 -0700

I had my first Doritos Locos Taco.

(vine by Geoff)

spring is here

Sat, 04 May 2013 13:05:33 -0700

spring is here

theidiotking: I think I reached the end of Netflix. If you...

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 18:59:55 -0700

theidiotking:

I think I reached the end of Netflix. If you select episode one it’s just a time lapse video of clouds at dusk. Seriously.

An example of the uncanny. An example of the uncanny. An example of the uncanny. An example of the uncanny. An example of the uncanny.

"wore these shoes to my girlfriend’s father’s funeral and everyone couldn’t keep..."

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:00:00 -0700

“wore these shoes to my girlfriend’s father’s funeral and everyone couldn’t keep their eyes off my shoes! They were so bright and uplifting that no one even seemed to remember that they were at a funeral! Seriously, made me feel like the man of the hour. If you don’t buy these shoes, you’ll regret it.”

- a review for the hawaiian print sneakers I’m thinking of buying

I had a dream about Aaron Carter and the internet.

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 15:41:00 -0700

I had a dream about Aaron Carter and the internet.

My induction into the manliest film franchise.

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 18:38:01 -0700

My induction into the manliest film franchise.

my ego

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:57:40 -0700

my ego

Here’s the dog from Blue Hawaii.

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:34:44 -0700

Here’s the dog from Blue Hawaii.

Living in the Sunlight, Loving in the Moonlight

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 10:20:00 -0700

Spring is here, and I’ve been shaking the cobwebs out of my head.

Here is a picture of me right now:

Warm weather fills me with equal parts excitement and dread. This is my first experience earning spring through a long, tedious winter, but I also loathe summer because it tends to bum me out and make my bangs greasy.

The Beach Party series was always a balm to my Summertime S.A.D.ness, so it seemed a particularly poignant time to lose Annette Funicello. She had the kind of girlish/mature voice that went out of fashion sometime in the ’70s, exuberant but with a weirdly threatening undertow. She sang about vacations and muscles and boyfriends with the best of them.

Roget Ebert also died, which I didn’t feel I could write about at the time. I can trace my desire to write my opinions on the internet to growing up watching At the Movies every Sunday evening. At the time, I didn’t realize how mind-boggling it was that there were critics who could make arguments that were sophisticated but also intelligible to actual children. When I was a kid I identified more with Gene Siskel because I also had brown hair and a long face.

Here is an image of me writing this:

What amazed me about Ebert was returning to his criticism as an adult and being blown away by his writing. I had literally thought At the Movies was just a show for kids about movies their parents wouldn’t let them see. The idea of bickering in a balcony with a respectful frenemy for television is still my dream job. I still feel more comfortable writing about movies than anything else because I was indoctrinated into film criticism at such a formative age.

Speaking of movies I wasn’t allowed to see as a child, I’m champing (not chomping! I used to think it was chomping but it is champing, and I hate it, but I am not the President of Idioms although I am running in the coming election) to see Jurassic Park on the big screen for the first time because when it was released I was five and my parents were like “This will be too scary for you.” My “BUT WHO LOVES DINOSAURS MORE THAN ME” argument went unanswered.

The book of Jurassic Park is about why people leave comments that say “first!!!1!” and the movie is about being a director. Steven Spielberg tried to make the character of John Hammond less hateable because he identified with his flair for spectacle.

He ended up predicting his own future career as well as those of George Lucas and James Cameron. Things get out of hand very quickly when people stop saying no to you. Francis Ford Coppola should have been in this group, but, like Werner Herzog, he is at home in disaster and knows how to steer into the skid and just be crazy. We’ll get to enjoy more of this approach this summer. There is nothing worse than an expensive movie that looks cheap but an expensive movie that looks expensive might even better than a cheap movie that looks expensive, even though the latter requires more ingenuity to pull off (just ask me, I still shop at Forever 21).

Speaking of which, I’m writing about style and fashion now because I needed to do something a little bit out of my element to get my arrogant Valley girl voice back, and carrying a baseball bat around the streets of New York seems a little extreme, even though it would make me look tough as hell.

Go Dodgers.

I helped table at MoCCA this past weekend, which was a nice change of pace for me because I have a short attention span (every paragraph in this post is basically an essay I feel too agitated to strap in and write) and need constant stimulation, even though I crave consistency and hate change. I contain multitudes.

I enjoy comics because, although I love to write and draw, it’s one of the few media I have no real desire to create. I have long been one of those assholes who thinks they can pretty much do whatever, so it’s hard for me to approach any situation without a veritable buttload of ego (this is why I categorically refuse to do private room karaoke—it defeats the entire purpose). I like reading comics; I like talking about them and meeting people who make them.

I’m always wary of getting in too deep with anything because I’m equal parts attracted and repulsed by cultishness and conformity. My sweet spot is Welcome but Non-Essential, which sometimes feels very lonely but provides the illusion of agency, much like owning a car. I am kind of not sure how I ended up in the comics community, but it permits me be an insider-y tourist, and actually, there’s a pretty great comic about that very phenomenon.

What I really want more than anything is to be a jock, and I’m pretty sure my abject failure as an athlete is what drove me directly into acting. I gave up on acting so I could stop hating my nose.

Here is a picture of my celebrity doppelganger:

Thx 4 listening.

Pouring one out for Annette today. Summer won’t be the...

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 10:11:00 -0700

Pouring one out for Annette today. Summer won’t be the same without you, girl.

I saw the movie Kazaam in theaters & here is the one part I remember:

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 16:51:33 -0700

The villain takes Shaq for a ride in a limo & tries to out him as a genie by offering him goats’ eyeballs, “the favorite food of genies.” Shaq takes one enthusiastically, exclaiming “I haven’t had one of these in about five thousand…uh, DAYS.”

That’s it.

The Only Look That Matters Mailbag: The Warriors

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 11:34:43 -0700

onlylookthatmatters:

I’m so glad you asked!

When it comes to Looks That Matter, The Warriors is in the celestial heights with the rarified company of such films as Barbarella and Valley of the Dolls. Something worthwhile in damn near every frame, but I’ll try to boil it down to a few of my favorites.

Matching embroidered satin jackets is a look that matters.

The Warriors breaks a lot of new ground as far as matching gang uniforms go, but you absolutely can’t go wrong with this old chestnut. I’ll advocate for the ol’ greyscale ‘til I die, but this is a look that demands color, so GIVE IT WHAT IT WANTS.

Nightmare baseball clown is a look that matters. The Baseball Furies are my favorite Warriors gang (sorry, the actual Warriors), and they have a lot to teach us about a look that is more than the sum of its parts. Elements that would be silly individually are intimidating in combination. A baseball player with a baseball bat isn’t threatening—who better to actually have a baseball bat? But a clown with a baseball bat is terrifying. For sheer intimidation, the Furies take it.

On the other end of it, 1950s hoodlums who haven’t done laundry in years is a look that matters. The Orphans are supposed to be the sad sack gang of New York City, but I absolutely love what they’re wearing. Look at these skinny little street toughs—they’re like the Ramones before they bought jackets! Fit and filth are the key words here; these would be dad jeans if they weren’t worn to oblivion and fitted within an inch of their lives. Shirts tucked in, for heaven’s sake. If you’re committing to the higher waist, you have to go all the way (or half and half! half and half works). Great look for tattoos.

Late ’70s post-prom teens is a look that matters. A signature era for promwear (see also: Carrie), it’s a more is more look. Big lapels, lots of ruffles, which makes it look great out of context. This is actually the measure of a good prom look. Prom clothes are not for looking good at the prom; they are for looking good at the mantlepiece where your parents are taking pictures of you and for looking good at the fast food restaurant you go to before the after party. These are collars for tucking paper napkins into and devouring cheeseburgers with great care to keep your fancy ‘dos out of the ketchup, skirts for hiking up in the back seat of a limo. This is how you play the game.

What the cat dragged in is a look that matters. A flexible look, too—it can be almost anything, as long as it provokes someone to ask “What the hell happened to you?” All you have to do in response is grin (because you’ll have a missing tooth, right?).

The Canadian Tuxedo is a look that matters. Look at this beautiful lumberjack of a woman. You can do it with either the denim jacket or a tucked in denim shirt, but the jeans are definitely high-waisted. Love the neckerchief, the mug should be metal, though.

Your friends are a look that matters (that’s kind of what this whole movie is about, come to think of it). These two girls look so much cooler standing next to each other than they would alone. I love that The Lizzies aren’t immediately obvious as a gang (except to the audience) because their uniform (the diagonal tie-dyed t-shirt) is buried under a variety of cool jackets and fun hairstyles.

And speaking of fun hairstyles, big hair is a look that matters, and The Warriors has it for days.

You can even put a headband around it! I’m waiting for a big hair renaissance. We’re about due, no?

Listen to me talk about some more looks that matter.

onlylookthatmatters: All-denim couple’s formal wear is the only...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 11:57:53 -0700

onlylookthatmatters:

All-denim couple’s formal wear is the only look that matters.

The gesture is manufactured, but it takes genuine earnestness to carry it off. You are looking at two people who think this is a really good idea. It gives them an ease that, for example, many starlets who are too quickly labeled “fashion icons” for merely being clotheshorses can never attain.

The look may not have been their idea, but it could have been, which is the missing ingredient in most celebrity styling. Look at Britney’s gown: it’s hideous, but the fit is flawless. Looking costume-y and looking credible are not mutually exclusive.

I’ll never stop telling you about the looks that matter.

onlylookthatmatters: (Dirty Dancing) Shirtless with glasses is...

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 10:11:44 -0700

onlylookthatmatters:

(Dirty Dancing)

Shirtless with glasses is the only look that matters, Coco Chanel’s oft-paraphrased instruction to “remove one thing at the door” taken to its logical Platonic conclusion.

The glasses tell you this is no accident (the watch might be, but what a perfect Boring Watch). It’s the deliberateness that makes it so ruinous. Look at Baby on the right, quietly wigging out as she is inducted into a world of real life, grown-ass, on purpose sexuality. This is a look that was engineered for grinding.

Don’t you just wanna weep?

My new vanity project, wherein I rant about style and fashion. Won’t you join me?

boredandimmortal: [Click thru for comic] Tiny Magic is back...

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 16:47:45 -0700

boredandimmortal:

[Click thru for comic]

Tiny Magic is back this week, and Rattlesnake Joe shows up with important advice. Later this week or early next week I’ll have more Boy to put up.

Then we can read it together!

Good. Yes, very good.

mydamnblog11: MOMA Photo Credit: Scott Rudd

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 08:47:49 -0800

mydamnblog11:

MOMA

Photo Credit: Scott Rudd

doooooog picturrres, be the death of meee (via)

Sat, 02 Mar 2013 15:01:00 -0800

doooooog picturrres, be the death of meee

(via)